An alternative to intention-setting and a personal journey share

Last weekend I traveled to California with grad school friends to revisit Pacifica Graduate Institute, which we hadn't seen since pre-pandemic days. When we completed our PhDs, we were still in Covid land and didn't participate in a real graduation rite of passage so this trip was a moment to honor what has felt incomplete-- it was seven years since we started together and four since we were in person. That last time I was also 6 months pregnant in 2019! So I savored the mirror of being physically pregnant again in a place that was psychologically and academically fertile for my life.

In a lecture room with images of C.G. Jung, Joseph Campbell, and Marion Woodman. These figures established the field of depth psychology, which has become a kind of academic and spiritual home for me.

When we arrived to campus, I was struck with big, visceral feelings that were hard to name specifically but echoed with nostalgia, grief, and compassion for what we endured the last several years individually and collectively. My friend said she wished she could whisper in her own ear all those years ago when we started, "Buckle up, buttercup." And I feel the same.

I wonder if you think about where you were in your own life 7 years ago, what would you want to whisper in your ear? What was ahead that you couldn't foresee, yet moved through? What are you relieved you continued to nurture? Are there regrets that need to be held with care?

Another layer to my experience this weekend was the gratitude and grief I felt for how hard it was to actually finish my PhD. I completed my dissertation research with a baby at home during Covid, very little childcare, working nearly full time. I would wake up at 3:30 or 4am to write since that was the only time I seemed to be able to think clearly (enough) without constant interruptions. I wanted to wrap my arms around the woman who was so exhausted and yet needed something to put her mind on day after day beyond naps and feedings.

There were so many times I didn't want to finish my dissertation (and my book as well). At one point, after I had already finished interviewing research participants, I seriously considered not finishing my writing. I went into a journey with the intention of asking for a new vision, something that might help me feel more on track with my life and work. What I received in that process sounded like a lovingly fierce elder who said to me, "What the hell do you think you're going to do with a new vision at this point in your life? Grow up and finish what you started." This experience was actually so relieving and organizing for me. It helped me get back on track and to see how often I look for something new in lieu of deepening into what is already here. I'm grateful I listened to that guidance and kept on rather than starting something new.

At this time of year when we are so often encouraged to set intentions for new ideas, dreams, and visions, I wonder what might come from simply continuing onwards, nourishing the seeds we have already planted. Or even pausing long enough to look backwards, honoring the road we've traveled. This is coming from a Gemini who chronically loves a new idea... but like resisting the dopamine hit of consumer culture, a lot of my maturing has been oriented around grounding, appreciating what currently is, and moving things forwards rather than starting over for the sake of "new". That's not to say starting over or ending something isn't what we need sometimes, it definitely is, but I'm personally appreciating the work involved in putting one foot in front of the other around long-term projects and life-building these days. In the coming year, I am anticipating being thrown into so much newness— a new baby this Spring, a new book, and at least two new group offerings (a book club and a depth psychology study group of sorts). But, interestingly, these all have and will emerge from the moments of deciding to stay the course and I’m grateful for that.

As this year comes to a close, I'm inviting reflection around what you want to continue in the new year. Rather than mobilizing energy around new intentions, what is already here that wants to continue rooting in your life?

With lots of care,

Kathyrn